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[lailabash]

What does a wife do if she sees that her husband does not want her, but she wishes to stay with him?

[lailabash]

AS SALAAM TO U ALL
                                Regarding this,ALLAHU SUBHANAHU says in HIS HOLY BOOK ;And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husbands part,there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves.And such settlement is best.(An-Nisa;128).

[TIYUMTABA]

What does a wife do if she sees that her husband does not want her, but she wishes to stay with him?

   I THINK THE WOMAN SHOULD PROBE INTO THE REASON FOR HIS HUSBANDS ATTITUDE, 1ST BY CHECKING HER OWN WAY OF LIVING TOWARDS HIM.BECAUSE BY ADMIRING YOU AND EVEN GOING TO THE EXTENT OF MARRIAGE, HE HAS A SEED OF LOVE FOR YOU, WHICH YOU COULD IMPROVE OR REDUCE BY YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS HIM.IF THIS DOESN'T WORK,YOU CAN SIT WITH HIM TO FIND OUT THE REASON AND MAKE AMENDMENTS.   

[qwickmalik]

salam all,

very interesting topic.

in my personal opinion, a husband not wanting his wife anymore could be due to a lot of reasons. some are obvious whilst others are not. as sister lailabash said, it the wife can sit the man down and call some elderly people to talk things out, and if there is no better way out apart from divorce, then they request that the man divorces her. if he refuses, then a shari'ah court can divorce them.

however, i think there is a hadith (correct me if i am wrong) that says that among the things Allah has permitted us, divorce is the one Allah dislikes the most, so let's only resort to divorce as a last resort.

as TIYUMTABA said, the problem could be with the attitude of the wife i.e. the way she speaks, carries herself about, cleanliness, cooking, or the way she practices her deen. it could also be simply that 'bad' attitude that men acquire when they get money, that makes them want to go for other women other than their wives. the problem may also be simply due to lack of communication and suspicion within the marriage. all in all, it is better to sit and discuss issues, and if need be, call in a well respected person to intervene.

Allah help us all!

[Benson]

Salam to all,
How will the woman know her husband does'nt want her any more? Let's not forget that Allah alone knows the unseen.

[qwickmalik]

Salam to all,
How will the woman know her husband does'nt want her any more? Let's not forget that Allah alone knows the unseen.

well, i guess through his behaviour. it is natural when someone loses interest in something, eg. his job, commitment to the community, or even a movie. it simply shows, and one does not need to be extremely observant to see that.

[Benson]

Quickmalik,
I understand that a person can lose interest in one thing or the other at anytime but my problem is how the woman would realize her husband is no more interested in her. The behavior of the husband could be due to other issues. Wassalam

[mubarak]

Asalam it is tru that the behaviour of the husband can be due to something.but here i think the question is based on the assumption that the behaviour is due to lack of intrerest in the wife.Well i biliv there be away to find out direcly from the husband for going around wil not solve the problem.one way is to go personal because what is btn man and his wife shld remain btn them a much as possible.Anada way is go tru elders who are wel informed abt marital issues and the stand of islam on them.i hav 2 stop here due 2 a situation beyond my power.wil be bak as soon as possible.

[qwickmalik]

yeah, Mubarak just hit the nail right on the head: if the man's behaviour changes, the best thing for his wife to do is to ask him about it (using the best tactical means possible).

but the basic question that started this discussion is "what does a wife do if she SEES her husband does not want her anymore, but she wishes to stay with him"

... so the premis is that the wife SEES her husband does not want her anymore. she could have found this out either directly (i.e. where the husband tells her himself, does the same through someone else) or indirectly (i.e. through his behaviour, etc.)

I think we've talked about arbitration through the use of elders, and this is a means of confirming or disproving the alleged loss of interest the wife has 'SEEN'. If it is due to something the wife is or is not doing, arbitration will bring that out and will find a solution to it. If it is simply due to a change in the man's character/attitude, that will also come out, and if divorce is necessary, it will also come out.

The second part of the question, which is actually the main question in this discussion is "what should the wife do if she still wants to be with him, although he does not like her anymore?"

In reality, what the wife can do actually depends on the full nature of the situation. I'll give a scenario:

# the wife, after having had confirmation that her husband does not like her anymore, can decide to ask him not to divorce her, but marry another woman in addition to her. In this case, he will be obliged to keep his duty to her as his wife in all respects: financially, emotionally, religiously, etc. Now if this same man does not like his wife anymore, the extent to which he'll fulfill these duties are not likely to be as expected, and that may simply prolong the emotional/psychological trauma to his wife. If however, she can live with it, then Alhamdulillah.

[qwickmalik]

let me mention here that in all this, both the man and his wife should seek guidance from Allah through "istikhara"  and "tahajjud". such problems could be caused by so many things, and so guidance should be sought from Allah while trying to solve the problem.